Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
