He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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