last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
