Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
