I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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