i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
