what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize