I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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