Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he was CRYING into my vagina
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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