i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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