im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
