fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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