we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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