I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
