I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
