"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
