Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
