Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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