Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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