i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
