dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
