I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
