my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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