He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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