How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
