What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
