I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
bring money and cleavage
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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