it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
