You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
