Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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