He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
being pregnant is like rehab
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
