you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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