Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
