Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
