When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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