Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
