its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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