No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
