Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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