I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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