I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
