I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
