All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well you can't waste a boner
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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