rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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