Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize