I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
