He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
