I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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