i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
