I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
