I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
