sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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