the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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