no, he came in my armpit
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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