I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
