Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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