I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
