haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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