I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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