after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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