Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
