The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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