White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
