Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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