Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
