he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
