What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
