I bet he comes in French.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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