I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
