Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
this is an emotional support booty call
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
