just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
